Don't quote me, but...

A collection of the hilarious things I hear day to day (this is a work in progress and will build as I remember to write things down!):

• On a re-elected government official:

"Previously he was OK, but now he is quite disabled"

• The day after I had been playing Badminton in a warehouse:

"Annie... I hear you have been doing dirty deals in the warehouse"

• Coming to grips with sunscreen

"Annie. You are looking quite red. You must start using this.. wanemya...cream...dimdim (white person) cream"

• "She's a half caste... mixed race - you know?"

• "Did the two of you make some... secret no good talks?"

• "Who is missing their child? He is small, green t-shirt, and dark skin. Please come and collect."

• "Annie, humble yourself and go down to the market for us."

• Mother to screaming child somewhere in the remote vicinity of me
  "Shush or the dimdim will scold you."

• On homosexuality

"They exercise their gay in the night"

 "What's that thing inside them? Demonic powers? Ahh yes, demonic powers."

"How will we multiply when we all become gays?" 

• On life philosophy

"Girls need boys. Boys need girls. And you must always be happy. Finish."

• "I will be your MC for tonight. Let's hope my mental capacity doesn't let us down."

• 'you have plenty pimples. Here, here, here, here. What happened to you? Not used to our, what, climate? Stand still. Let me see your eyeballs. Mmm yes. They are different. Different eyeballs to the people around here. Very clear eyeballs.' 

• "Can you hold my bow and arrow while I use the atm?"